Lisa's Monthly Survival Guide

Dear valued readers,
My name is Lisa. You are my first few lucky readers to get to read my newly thought of Survival Guide Monthly. It features thoughtful quotes by moi and a very helpful Survival Guide! It's all naturally funny and thought of by myself .


SURVIVAL GUIDE
Todays topic: How to avoid being bullied
Editor's note[me]: Bullying is a serious offence and occurs all the time. Read on to learn how to punch and kick the bully's #$%%%^$# by my tips!

1. If you have a gut feeling that you are going to be bullied, eat garlic....[cloves] It reduces the risk of being bullied by a half[poll taken by" Are you a wimp?" weekly] and makes your mouth smell soo much fragrant!

2. Wear "Anti-weggie pants" [ a product of N.E.R.D] to avoid getting a weggie from bullies! Satisfaction guranteed by Current Raisin York and Bad Ant Bit Yale[a.k.a Cry Baby]

3.Toughen up,MANN!! Attend regular gym classes and mingle with cool dudes! If you fail ,buy Survival Guide's limited edition Muscle Pacs to make you look TOUGH! [ no refunds]

4. Last but not least , never be a teachers' pet! It gives the bullies more reason to bully you! Buy my first publised book "One moment raising hand, the other being flushed down the toilet" for only $45.60! [Discount price for people who brings their bullies and lets them beat you up. If my company has sympathy, we will give it to you for FREE!] What are you waiting for? Train your bully to bash you up!


My Note: Better to be smashed up than to be bashed up.